Saturday, August 27, 2011

Bats... why'd it have to be BATS?

I got home from our usual 6-mile walk about 10:30pm. In the midst of uploading a few photos of said walk, I heard Jayne snapping at something in the room. He loves trying to catch bugs, so I swiveled my chair around to watch him chomp on whatever moth or fly had found itself in our living room.

It wasn't a moth. I let out a shriek and corralled the dogs in the bedroom. I was so freaked out, I actually called the big red one "Ronin" - whoops. You know what they say about old habits. Once the dogs were safe, I crept back into the living room. By some miracle, I instantly spotted the little bugger, clinging to the top of one of my dark brown drapes. As you can see, he was a big'un!

Shit, what now? Like any twenty-something with a husband who won't answer his phone when he's at work, I turned to.... Facebook. Here's the entire conversation. Grandparents and schoolteachers, please forgive my language. I was Freaking. The Eff. Out. Also, my computer was a mere six feet away from said bat, so I was typing while hiding under my desk. I've left the typos in for their comedic value

Me: There's a f*cking BAT in my living room! He's clinging to a curtain, I'm not sure what to do! HELPP!!!

Monika: Get a box.... put lots of clothes on and catch the sucker!!! Common, you know the drill, lol.

Alicia: Catch it and keep it as a pet :) or catch it and send it to me! They're so cute!

Nicole: Sick a cat on it that's what I would do

Me: it's too far up - i can't reach him, he's at the top of a curtain.

Me: i'm going to try to throw a box at him

Nicole: You can do it !!

Molly: I'd put a leather work glove on, grab it around the whole body so it's wings can't flap, then stick it outside :) (if you have a ladder to get up that high).

Me: ok i taped a hugeish box to a swiffer handle

Nicole: Leah that is hilarious !!

Me: the trouble is he's on a curtain - so one i tra him in the box, he may be able to escapt the box by rustling around through the fabric.

Me: he looks agitated

Kim: You have 2 big dogs in the house. Let them loose.

Nicole: Don't do it!! He might bite you! Do you want me to bring Turkish over?

At this point, I decided to put on my big girl panties and take care of the damn bat. I crept over to the drapes and slammed the box over the bat. I was right - he was indeed agitated. I'm sure in bat language, he was hurling every profanity he knew at me. Squeek squeek chirrp chirrrrrrp squeak squeak to you too, jackass!

I carefully slid the box off the curtain, over the windowframe and onto the wall. I slid the whole contraption down far enough that I could prop the Swiffer handle on the floor, so the box would hold fast against the wall. The bat calmed down.

I shared my success with my amigas on Facebook:


Megan: Be careful! We just had a bat test positive for Rabies this week!

Me: You're not making this any easier megan.

Kim: Now put the box outside and run.

Me: there's no lid on it. It's trapped between the wall and the box.

Kim: Use a cookie sheet to trap it in the box then put it outside.

Me: hmmmm - might have to find something flat. Our cookie sheets have rims.

Suddenly it dawned on me. The box's original lid was in the pantry! I ran and got the lid, and carefully unfolded one side so I'd be able to slide the lid onto the box. Which is exactly what I did. Once the lid was completely on the box, I taped the unfolded portion shut, and viola!

I flipped the box over and took it outside, but halfway to the door I noticed that the box was an old Christmas present box, and it still had a label on it! To make things even better, apparently this box once held a gift for me! Laughing maniacally, I completed the gift tag.

I put the box outside. My husband can release the bat tonight, when he gets home. I think there's a bottle of wine in the fridge that wants to comfort me after this ordeal.

G'nite, folks!


  1. Your life adventures are hysterical!

  2. OMG funny story!
    I hope everyone is okay!

  3. Get a butterfly net and a plate.... they work wonders for batty adventures!


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