Last weekend, my friend Aryn convinced me to buy a jacket for our roadtrip in February. It's fuzzy and warm, made by Columbia... and has these weird fabric loop things on the sleeves.
We can't figure out what purpose they serve. The Columbia website offers no answers. To be funny, I've come up with twenty-six possible uses for the mystery loops.
1. anchor-points for mittens
2. if I was to be arrested, they could paddlock my sleeves together
3. a place to attach the leashes of two very small dogs
4. a place to store rolled-up piles of kleenex
5. a place to store candy bars (yum!)
6. anchor-point for my ID badge from work
7. straps to help me hang on the ceiling like a ninja
8. a way I can pretend to wear spectacles. Or be a raccoon.
9. finger-loops, in case we need to create a human chain for safety
10. if I put my thumbs in them when putting on a larger coat, my sleeves won't bunch up!
11. hang bells from them, and then people would always know my location
12. "somehow use them to hold the sleeves out of the way" - that was one of Aryn's ideas.
13. "Sylvester Stallone in Cliffhanger!" - Mike's idea.
14. something to chew on when bored
15. an effective tool when playing Red Rover
16. "to hook to something else on the coat" - another Aryn idea. I don't quite get her train of thought.
17. a way to anchor the jacket into a larger Columbia shell coat
18. to aid in magic tricks - specifically, ones involving levitation of objects
19. attach grocery bags to them so I can carry more groceries
20. attachment points to a pole in case you need to use the coat as a flag.
21. a way to hold multiple axes in a zombie apocalypse - did you SEE the cool axes the kid found in the season premiere of The Walking Dead last week? Yeah!
22. a way to hang the coat from your glasses so it looks like you have a fuzzy beard. Convenient for heists.
23. if you hook a water balloon to them and swing the coat around, the balloon will travel a greater distance.
24. attach poo-bags to the loops so you don't have to hold onto them during a walk.
25. to be mysterious, so people wonder about them. Like what I'm doing now.
26. a way to talk about a Columbia product so much that they'll send me free stuff. Probably unlikely.