Saturday, December 31, 2011

People of Petsmart

There are times when I really dislike people.

I recently made a trip to Petsmart for snake bedding and a sweater for Talla. I had brought Jayne with me, which is common because he is a pleasant dog and he's the most emotionally needy dog in the house. As I said, he is pleasant - but he is still a large Doberman, folks!

I was approached - nay, accosted - by three different groups of morons. The first was a gaggle of teenage girls and their mother. I put Jayne in a sit and they knelt down to pet him. All was good until one of the girls launched herself at him and wrapped her arms around his neck, engulfing him in a very tight bear-hug. I bit my lip and forced myself to be calm. In no way, shape or form did I want to unintentionally communicate to Jayne that this was something for him to worry about. The girl released him and another one of the girls asked their mother (not me) if hugging the dog was a good idea. Before I was able to get a word in, the mother said, "of course it's fine - she wouldn't have brought him into the store if he was mean."

'Scuse me, lady! My dog is not mean, but he's also not a stuffed animal. I attempted to educate that hugging strange dogs isn't a good idea, but my kind lecture went in one ear and out the other. You know the blank, glassy stare people get when they're hearing the words coming out of your mouth but not actually processing them? Yeah, that's what happened. I walked away.

The second group was a mom, a dad, and two kids. They seemed nice enough - they'd recently acquired a Doberman puppy and were "probably going to get her ears cropped." I said my usual piece about ear cropping - good breeders have the ears cropped before the puppy goes home, there are no local vets that are good croppers, if you do decide to crop make sure you have someone to help with aftercare and taping, etc. Again, I got the glassy-eyed stares and dumb smiles. They assured me that "a local Doberman lady" recommended several competent vets, and then proceeded to grab Jayne's ears and say to their daughter, "see honey? Jewel's ears are going to look just like this!"

'Scuse me, lady! First, get your grubby sausages off my dog's ears! Second, no - your puppy's ears are not going to look "just like this" - because this is a crop done by one of the most talented vets in the country. You will not find any vet in the state of Iowa that can pull off something as beautiful as this:

So stop touching my dog, and stop thinking you're going to get anything that'll look halfway decent. Here's the deal - if you want beautiful ears like my dogs have, you need to buy your puppy from a responsible breeder.

The third and final group of morons had a 6 week old Shih Tzu puppy on a retractable leash. They were letting the puppy wander up and down the aisles. Jayne took one look at the little fluffball and decided that it had to be a squeaky plush toy of some kind. Must. Eat. Squeaky Toy.

'Scuse me, lady! You shouldn't even have a 6 week old puppy in your possession, let alone be letting said puppy walk on dirty Petsmart floors without its final set of puppy vaccinations! Also, retractable leashes are stupid roughly 99% of the time and have no business being used in pet stores. Lastly, my prey-driven dog is going to eat your puppy because he doesn't recognize it as an actual canine - it's not his fault that you have a moving plushie toy on the end of your leash. Be thankful he's well trained, or you'd be out a dog.

Stay tuned. I'm sure I'll have more People of Petsmart stories to share in the future. Pet owners come in all flavors of stupid.


  1. i know it's not funny...
    but the why YOU tell it is!! i just love reading your blog

  2. The last time I was at PetsMart, an employee swooped down on my generally wary Border Collie and squealed about how beautiful he was and how he's her favorite breed... she just *loves* Australian Shepherds. I didn't have the heart to tell her he was a Border Collie, but more than that, I was *shocked* that he didn't give her an ear full of hysterical panic barking. He doesn't generally dig strangers, especially strangers who come at him quickly and from above. For whatever reason, he adored her, so I let it all just roll, but geez.

  3. "So stop touching my dog, and stop thinking you're going to get anything that'll look halfway decent. Here's the deal - if you want beautiful ears like my dogs have, you need to buy your puppy from a responsible breeder."

    BAHAHA. I hope you told them that. PLEASE say you told them that.


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