Saturday, July 7, 2012

The Amazing Properties of Sugar.

Me: I have ingested too much sugar.
Jess: uh oh
Me: So now I'm sort of dazed, in a hyperactive way...
Jess: What did you eat?
Me: GUMMY PENGUINS! ALL OF THEM!
Jess: hahahahahaha
Me: and some ice pops.
Me: and some chocolate
Me: and some potatoes. (not sugar but whatev.)
Me: Steve is NEVER allowed to buy this much junk food at one time EVER again.
Jess: okay crazyperson. I'm going to have a nap. And then go see Ted. Feel free to join me at Coral Ridge at 9:50.
Me: The bear movie! Can't.... have to clean... persons from Chicago coming tomorrow... though that WOULD be all kinds of awesome...
Jess: hahahahaha
Me: WHY DO I SPELL SUGAR WITH AN 'H' WHEN I'VE HAD TOO MUCH SUGER??? Shugar. SUGAR!
Jess: Sweet mother of christ.

That's how it all started. There I was, hyped up on roughly three pounds of processed sugar, and somehow I'd convinced myself to drive to a city nearly two hours away to see a movie about a teddy bear with my friend Jess. I did this, knowing full well I had adopters coming to my house the next morning (7:30am!!!!) to pick up my foster dog Hugo. Aren't I supposed to be getting too old for this crap?

I showered, I dressed, I fed the dogs their dinner. I was beginning to crash. I sucked it up and drove to Iowa City anyway. Jess attempted to give me directions to her apartment:

Jess: oh shit the detour... you can't get off at 380, you'll have to findiggle.
Me: yeah i know, i get off at the thing by the whatever, done it before. I fine!
Jess: I'll see your crazy ass in a few hours

At the thing, by the whatever. I fine. This was going to be fantastic. The drive was easy, but by the time I hit Williamsburg my sugar crash had turned into a sugar-crash-with-that-raggedy-feeling-of-exhaustion-and-also-lots-of-giggling. As it turned out, I'd driven nearly two hours to attend a sold out showing of the movie 'Ted.' This meant we had to wait around for about an hour for the next showing. We talked about gay cow appreciation day (which I may or may not have tentatively agreed to celebrate next weekend) and sending inappropriate texts to significant others during business meetings.

After playing a game of throw-the-kitty on Jess's phone and looking at Obama and cat pictures on the internet, we finally managed to make it into the theater. During the previews, we nearly peed ourselves reminiscing about our childhood Beanie Baby collections, Princess Di ("when did she get herself squished again?"), and Furbies. Did you know they're bringing back Furbies this fall? I KNOW, RIGHT?

Movie was hilarious... contained the best fight scene I've seen in a long time. We all agreed that the movie was probably created so Seth McFarlane could stick it to the FCC, but that's okay. So many years of being stomped on by the Man, and a crude movie about a pothead teddy bear come to life should be expected.

Movie ended, I drove home. It was nearly 1am. I stopped for some fuel and some french fries. I don't really remember anything else about the drive back to Prairie City.

It's now 8:30am, Hugo has left with his new owners (yay!) and I'm feeling really, really run down. The price I pay for spontaneity...



PS - I had to go back and correct, like, eight - no, nine - typos in this blog post. I need some sleep... and perhaps some more potatoes.

1 comment:

  1. Haha! This is hilarious.
    I've had similar sugar-highs, one of them got me banned from the darkroom in photography class for a day as well as banned from drinking sugar-and-chocolate-with-caramel-and-whipped-cream spiked coffee for the rest of the semester.

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