Thursday, August 23, 2012

Not as stupid as I'd thought...

I think we're getting better at this.

This past weekend, Aryn and I drove to Wisconsin to pick up roughly 2000lbs of meat. Based on our previous trips, I thought it was going to be a lot worse than it actually ended up being.

The only minor hiccup was how the huge van we rented handled the backroads of Wisconsin. We'd rented a monstrous Ford E350 van for the trip, since there was no way my HHR could haul the amount of meat we'd ordered. We nicknamed the van 'Shamu' because it was the size of a whale.

I know, we're so original.

The backroads of Wisconsin are very twisty and lack shoulders. Looking down from the passenger-side window, I couldn't see the road - so occasionally it appeared as if Aryn was close to careening off the road and into some cornfield or cow pasture or something. I was understandably alarmed, and quite vocal about it. Aryn's solution was to scream at me, "We're not going to die... just don't look down!"

Of course, it didn't help that whenever we'd take a corner too fast, Aryn would yell WHEEEEEEE!

Meat acquired. I helped the muchachos load it into the van. Ow, my poor back!

Drove home, delivered meat, loaded freezer. Was proud of freezer. Everything just barely fit, which was a huge relief because there had still been a small chance I'd run out of room and have to pitch some perfectly good meat out with the trash.

We all photobombed Facebook with Freezer photos. The End.


(24.6 cubic feet of AWESOME)

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Iowa State Fair 2012

Steve and I went to the fair yesterday. I took photos.


First order of business: Escaping the Carnie Maze


Deep Fried Oreos. Deep Fried Snickers Bar.


Deep fried Snickers bars are one of the three things I must get at the fair. Here was the first bite!


Almost gone, so sad!


Deep fried Oreo, before.


Deep fried Oreo, after.


Deep fried cheese curds... the second of the three things I must have at the fair!


Surprisingly tasty when dipped in pizza sauce!


Steve tried to convince me to ride this. I told him I was ok with amusement park rides, but carnie rides are funerals waiting to happen.


Greyhound at the Greyhound Adoption booth... so handsome!


Damn. That's a big pumpkin.


Steve was convinced that this lady fell off the skyride. I had my doubts.


Then President Obama showed up. While I must admit that it's pretty cool to see the prez at your state's fair, I was (and still am) very unhappy that his entourage chose to park right next to the baby animal building. Because of the him, I didn't get to see any baby animals. Grrr.


That's right, Secret Service. You just keep standing there, looking important.


We finally made it around the Obama mess, just in time to get the third item I must always get at the Iowa State Fair....


...that's right. Pork chop on a stick. And by stick, they mean bone. Delicious!

I'll be going back on Sunday, but that will be a story for another day. Saying this upcoming weekend is the most stupid 48 hours I have ever planned is an understatement. Prepare to be entertained.



Monday, August 6, 2012

Why do I always get the surly hygienist?

I know, starting off with an obscure movie reference - to a mediocre chick flick, at that - is not the best way to start a blog post....

... but I've had a really bad day.

I hate going to the dentist. Ever since I was little, I've felt emotionally abused by virtually every dental professional I've ever met. My childhood dentist was a perfectionist, so he was never satisfied with my teeth. It didn't matter how often I brushed, how thoroughly I flossed, how frequently I used mouthwash... I was always a disgrace to the human race. He even tried to convince my parents to make me quit playing the oboe in an effort to "fix my minor overbite."

Aside from the three day drug-induced euphoria when I had my wisdom teeth removed, every experience I've had in the dental exam room has been torture.

Today was no exception.

I showed up for my appointment and was immediately told that there were no dentists in the office. It was like Saruman had left Isengard for the day, and all there was left were the Orcs. (Or if you want to be specific - i.e. nerdy - Uruk-hai. Had to throw that in for my husband.)



I was led into an exam room and the nightmare began. First, the hygienist went through my chart with me. Yes, I know I'm allergic to penicillin. Yes, I know I'm celiac. Yes, I know I have teeth. Yes, I know I like the cinnamon flavored polish. She took my x-rays, noting that "nothing looked wrong."

Then the emotional abuse started....

Uruk-Hai Hygienist: "Now, you are aware that you haven't been in for a checkup for more than a year, right?"

Me: "... no, last time I was here was 11 months ago."

Uruk-Hai Hygienist: ".... I see. Um.... do you have acid reflux?"

Me: "... No, not that I know of...."

Uruk-Hai Hygienist: "Well, it looks like you have weak enamel in some places. It's probably because you have acid reflux."

Me: "As far as I know, I do not have acid reflux. It's most likely the celiac disease, since poor tooth enamel is common for celiacs. It's in my chart, the dentist and I talked about it last time."

Uruk-Hai Hygienist: "I think it's acid reflux."

I dropped the subject, because obviously this hygienist was also moonlighting as a gastroenterologist. I thought this was the end of the verbal barrage of blame and guilt-trippage, but I was wrong. Very, very wrong.

Uruk-Hai Hygienist: "Do you grind your teeth at night?"

Me: "Sometimes, yeah."

Uruk-Hai Hygienist: "We need to get you fitted with a mouth guard then."

Me:
"My last dentist tried that. I take them off when I'm asleep and inadvertently end up choking on them... it's like a weird subconscious thing I do, they don't work."

Uruk-Hai Hygienist: "I don't believe that. Do you still have it? We'll need you to bring it in so you can demonstrate what you mean. I don't think you can take them off in your sleep, you shouldn't be able to choke on it."

Me: No, it was a long time ago... I got rid of it because I was trying to swallow it in my sleep."

Uruk-Hai Hygienist: "Fine. We'll get you set up with a counselor, to help you reduce stress. You're probably grinding your teeth because you're stressed."

Me: "Wha.... NO! I really don't think I need a shrink for my teeth!"

Obviously, this lady was an extremely talented and dedicated individual. Dental hygienist by day, gastroenterologist by night, and psychologist on the weekends!

After that exchange, she'd run out of things to accuse me of so she started cleaning my teeth. Roughly, at that. Her methods were of the "gouging and ripping" variety, which I'm assuming she used to see if she could coax my healthy, well cared-for gums into bleeding. She did not succeed (mwahahaha!) so she gave me a half-hearted 'compliment' by saying, "Well, it looks like you produce very little plaque!"

Wait a minute - I produce very little plaque? Let's try this again... what I think you meant to say was, "Wow, you do a really good job brushing and flossing and rinsing with mouthwash, here's a Spongebob Squarepants sticker!"

The cleaning was so rough that she actually jarred my jaw partially out of its socket... which she could have avoided if she'd been more careful. Also, it's in my chart that I have problems with that side of my jaw. (The right side of my face is still painfully throbbing, hours afterwards. Just thought you all should know that.)

After the cleaning, she got back to the enamel debate.

Uruk-Hai Hygienist: "Normally I wouldn't suggest a follow-up appointment with a dentist, but seeing as how you haven't been here in two years-"

Me:
"-eleven months."

Uruk-Hai Hygienist:".... eleven months, I think you should come back next week so the dentist can assess your enamel."

Me: "... is that really necessary? It's already in my chart that I have bad enamel, it's part of being celiac. I use enamel-strengthening toothpaste and rinse with enamel-restoring mouthwash twice a day. Is there something else I should be doing?"

Uruk-Hai Hygienist: "... well no, but I don't think it's the wheat allergy."

Me:
"Celiac disease is an autoimmune disorder, it's a total system disease. It's not a wheat allergy. Trust me, poor enamel is well documented in celiacs, and the dentist already knows about it. It's in my file."

Uruk-Hai Hygienist: "I think you need to drink tap water. It's got fluoride."

Me: "... I do drink tap water."

I didn't even get into the fluoride debate with her. It wasn't worth it. I just wanted to leave dental Isengard and have dinner with my husband. As she prepared my freebie-bag, she asked what color toothbrush I wanted. I told her to surprise me, since I use a Sonicare at home. She looked at me with this oddly shocked expression on her face. Yeah lady... I own a fancy $150 toothbrush, and use it twice a day. Wait no, I'm sorry, I don't brush at all... I just "don't produce much plaque." That must be it.

I finally escaped, and drove to the Mexican restaurant a few miles away to meet Steve.

I had a Mountain Dew and a big bowl of fried ice cream, just to spite the Uruk-Hai Hygienist. I took great pleasure in munching on my tortilla chips doused in delicious acidic salsa. That's right, missy.... look at me abuse my teeth, right after you scoured them "clean" - you like that? Huh? You like that?

Yeah, that sugar was delicious.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

A Month of Raw Dinners

It's taken me a few days, but I've finally found the time to share my self-imposed project for July! Aside from Kaylee's missing bowl during the last week, this shows every evening meal my dogs ate for the month of July.

Our raw diet mainly consists of what I call "beefmix" - it contains muscle meat, ground bone, liver, tripe, lung, kidney, vitamins and minerals, and egg. I should also explain the "chicken grind" - it's basically just that. Ground up chickens.



Since the photo is tiny, I also wrote down the elements of each meal. Read on, if you're so inclined. You'll notice that Revy gets pancreas with every meal because she has EPI (exocrine pancreatic insufficiency) and needs raw pancreas daily.

7/1/12
Kaylee - beefmix, chicken back, egg
Jayne - beefmix, chicken back, egg
Revy - pancreas, beefmix, egg
Talla - beefmix, chicken back, egg

7/2/12
Kaylee - beefmix, beef heart, chicken foot
Jayne - beef heart, lam w/bone
Revy - pancreas, beefmix, beef heart, chicken foot
Talla - beefmix, beef heart, chicken foot

7/3/12
Kaylee - chicken grind, beef heart, mackerel
Jayne - chicken grind, beef heart, mackerel
Revy - pancreas, chicken grind, beef heart
Talla - chicken grind, beef heart, mackerel

7/4/12
Kaylee - beefmix, chicken wing, goatsmilk
Jayne - beefmix, chicken wing, goatsmilk
Revy - pancreas, beefmix, chicken wing, goatsmilk
Talla - beefmix, chicken wing, goatsmilk

7/5/12
Kaylee - beefmix, egg
Jayne - beefmix, eff, 2 chicken drummies
Revy - pancreas, beefmix
Talla - beefmix, chicken drummie

7/6/12
Kaylee - beefmix, beef heart, chicken back
Jayne - beefmix, beef heart, chicken back
Revy - pancreas, beefmix
Talla - beefmix, beef heart

7/7/12
Kaylee - beefmix, 2 chicken necks
Jayne - beefmix, 2 chicken necks
Revy - pancreas, beefmix, egg
Talla - beefmix, 2 chicken necks

7/8/12
Kaylee - beefmix, chicken back
Jayne - beefmix, 2 chicken drummies
Revy - pancreas, beefmix, chicken back
Talla - beefmix, chicken drummie

7/9/12
Kaylee - beefmix, egg
Jayne - beefmix, egg
Revy - pancreas
Talla - beefmix, egg

7/10/12
Kaylee - beefmix, chicken wing, chicken foot, goatsmilk
Jayne - beefmix, 2 chicken wings, chicken foot, goatsmilk
Revy - pancreas, beefmix, chicken foot, goatsmilk
Talla - beefmix, chicken wing, chicken foot, goatsmilk

7/11/12
Kaylee - beefmix, chicken back, smelt, goatsmilk
Jayne - beefmix, goatsmilk
Revy - pancreas, beefmix, chicken neck
Talla - beefmix, chicken wing, chicken foot, goatsmilk

7/12/12
Kaylee - beefmix, chicken back, smelt
Jayne - beefmix, goatsmilk
Revy - pancreas, beefmix, smelt
Talla - beefmix, chicken back, smelt

7/13/12
Kaylee - beefmix, trout
Jayne - beefmix, trout
Revy - pancreas, beefmix, trout
Talla - beefmix, trout

7/14/12
Kaylee - beefmix, trout, chicken back, goatsmilk
Jayne - trout, chicken back, goatsmilk
Revy - pancreas, beefmix, trout, goatsmilk
Talla - beefmix, trout, chicken back, goatsmilk

7/15/12
Kaylee - rock cornish game hen
Jayne - rock cornish game hen
Revy - pancreas, beefmix
Talla - 2 chicken backs

7/16/12
Kaylee - chicken grind, chicken foot, chicken liver, goatsmilk
Jayne - chicken grind, chicken foot, chicken liver, goatsmilk
Revy - pancreas, beefmix, chicken liver, chicken foot, goatsmilk
Talla - beefmix, chicken foot, egg, goatsmilk

7/17/12
Kaylee - beefmix, 2 chicken backs
Jayne - beefmix, 2 chicken backs
Revy - pancreas, beefmix, chicken back
Talla - beefmix, chicken back

7/18/12
Kaylee - beefmix, chicken grind, beef heart, egg
Jayne - beefmix, beef heart, egg
Revy - pancreas, chicken grind, egg, beef heart
Talla - chicken grind, beef heart

7/19/12
Kaylee - beefmix, beef heart, chicken foot
Jayne - beefmix, beef heart, chicken foot
Revy - pancreas, beefmix, beef heart, chicken foot
Talla - beefmix, beef heart, chicken foot

7/20/12
Kaylee - beefmix, egg
Jayne - beefmix, egg
Revy - pancreas, beefmix, egg
Talla - beefmix, egg

7/21/12
Kaylee - beefmix, chicken back
Jayne - beefmix, chicken back
Revy - pancreas, beefmix, chicken back
Talla - beefmix, chicken back

7/22/12
Kaylee - beefmix, tilapia
Jayne - beefmix, tilapia
Revy - pancreas, beefmix, tilapia
Talla - beefmix, tilapia

7/23/12
Kaylee - chicken grind
Jayne - chicken grind, chicken back
Revy - pancreas, chicken grind
Talla - chicken grind

7/24/12
Kaylee - slime (chicken grind, beef liver, goatsmilk blended until smoothish)
Jayne - beefmix, chicken wings, beef liver, chicken gizzard
Revy - pancreas, beefmix chicken back, beef liver
Talla - beefmix, chicken back, beef liver, gizzard

7/25/12
Kaylee - slime (chicken grind, beef liver, goatsmilk blended until smoothish)
Jayne - beefmix
Revy - pancreas, beefmix
Talla - beefmix

7/26/12
Kaylee - slime (chicken grind, beef liver, goatsmilk blended until smoothish)
Jayne - chicken grind, chicken foot
Revy - pancreas, beefmix
Talla - chicken grind, chicken foot

7/27/12
Kaylee - n/a
Jayne - beefmix
Revy - pancreas, beefmix
Talla - beefmix

7/28/12
Kaylee - n/a
Jayne - chicken grind
Revy - pancreas, beefmix
Talla - beefmix

7/29/12
Kaylee - n/a
Jayne - beefmix, chicken grind, beef liver, goatsmilk
Revy - pancreas, beefmix
Talla - beefmix, beef liver, goatsmilk

7/30/12
Kaylee - n/a
Jayne - beefmix, chicken grind
Revy - pancreas, beefmix, chicken grind
Talla - chicken grind

7/31/12
Kaylee - n/a
Jayne - beefmix, chicken wing
Revy - pancreas, beefmix, chicken wing
Talla - beefmix, chicken wing


As of today, Kaylee will be back on a raw diet. She had to eat canned for for a week to give her mouth time to heal, and while the extraction site isn't completely smooth, she can go back to eating ground raw. Thank goodness - I was getting sick of actually having to pick up poop in the yard!