Jess: I am not a leggings person, but Scott found a site that sells them with galaxy space prints.
Jess: I want those.
Me: omg, my eyes are blurry from lack of sleep. When you typed "I want those," I read it as "leprechauns"
Jess: ... the fuck?
Me: I'm not drugged, I swear. I'm just tired. I'm sitting here with a Thermacare heat wrap on my back because I totally broke it somehow, while throwing out a bag of dirty kitty litter.
Jess: haha ow!
Me: I make being accident-prone look awesome.
Jess: Dude. I had to get stitches a couple years ago due to a light bulb changing experience gone awry. Stitches.
Me: Hey, at least you didn't walk INTO a TV antenna and break a blood vessel in your eye... because I totally did that. I remember it. Vividly.
Jess: I did manage to crack my head open and break my collarbone.
Me: Or... ooh! You never cracked your jaw/broke teeth because you miscalculated your trajectory whilst jumping onto a sofa!
Jess: No, but I did get bitten by a dumb dog and get hives in the same week.
Me: Tripped over a backpack at church and spent the next four weeks on crutches.
Jess: I gave myself a concussion tripping over a laundry basket. Black eye getting into a car.
Me: I gave myself a concussion by slipping on water in the school bathroom. Knocked myself out by hitting myself in the head with a car door.
Jess: Forgot how to walk a few weeks back and sprained my ankle. OMG we are head injury twinsies!
Me: Let's not forget the time when I somehow got suspended from a fallen tree at Palisades-Kepler State Park. I couldn't get down. I was stuck, dangling 15ft above the ground. Damn you, sweatshirt tied around waist!
Jess: Hahahaha damn 90's fashion. Not an injury, but Mere and I got stuck in a canoe in a whirlpool for a couple hours in eighth grade. Just spinning. A lot.
Me: I remember hearing about that. Better than what happened to ME in a fucking canoe... I got attacked by GEESE!
Jess: I had a rusty nail go through the bottom of my foot. I flipped a 90lb canoe last summer. Bashed my head on the inside of it. Mere almost shattered my wrist freshman year... still have a scar. Luke kicked me in the head 12 feet in the air, concussion.
Me: Dude I tripped over my cat Cleo in high school, and somehow ended up landing on a metal wastebasket and needed stitches. In my foot.
Jess: Hahahaha we are amazing. AMAZING.
Me: Yeah, my doctor asked me how it happened. I told him, and he got this funny look on his face and told me it must have been a really big cat.
Jess: I like how we have a lot of matching injuries...
Me: OH - ALSO - I broke a fucking tooth on a fucking PIECE OF BREAD... in fucking POLAND.
Jess: ......... That wins.
Jess: I was detained in Mexico but I was not injured.
Me: Wait, what?
The rest of the conversation involved college drunkenness, gruesome dental injuries, prescription painkillers and our experiences in having our wisdom teeth removed. Sigh, I have the best friends a girl could ever ask for. :)