Sunday, September 30, 2012

Accident Prone

This is the story of the funniest conversation I've had all month.  It's 2am, and instead of sleeping I'm talking to my buddy Jess about which one of us is more accident-prone.  Behold, the conversation.... sorry relatives, there's swearing.  *sheepish shrug*

Jess:  I am not a leggings person, but Scott found a site that sells them with galaxy space prints. 
Me:  oooh! 
Jess:  I want those. 
Me:  omg, my eyes are blurry from lack of sleep. When you typed "I want those," I read it as "leprechauns" 
Jess:  ... the fuck? 
Me:  I'm not drugged, I swear.  I'm just tired.  I'm sitting here with a Thermacare heat wrap on my back because I totally broke it somehow, while throwing out a bag of dirty kitty litter. 
Jess:  haha ow! 
Me:  I make being accident-prone look awesome. 
Jess:  Dude. I had to get stitches a couple years ago due to a light bulb changing experience gone awry.  Stitches. 
Me: Hey, at least you didn't walk INTO a TV antenna and break a blood vessel in your eye... because I totally did that.  I remember it.  Vividly. 
Jess: I did manage to crack my head open and break my collarbone. 
Me:  Or... ooh! You never cracked your jaw/broke teeth because you miscalculated your trajectory whilst jumping onto a sofa! 
Jess:  No, but I did get bitten by a dumb dog and get hives in the same week. 
Me: Tripped over a backpack at church and spent the next four weeks on crutches. 
Jess: I gave myself a concussion tripping over a laundry basket.  Black eye getting into a car. 
Me:  I gave myself a concussion by slipping on water in the school bathroom.  Knocked myself out by hitting myself in the head with a car door. 
Jess:  Forgot how to walk a few weeks back and sprained my ankle.  OMG we are head injury twinsies! 
Me: Let's not forget the time when I somehow got suspended from a fallen tree at Palisades-Kepler State Park.  I couldn't get down.  I was stuck, dangling 15ft above the ground.  Damn you, sweatshirt tied around waist! 
Jess:  Hahahaha damn 90's fashion.  Not an injury, but Mere and I got stuck in a canoe in a whirlpool for a couple hours in eighth grade.  Just spinning.  A lot. 
Me:  I remember hearing about that.  Better than what happened to ME in a fucking canoe... I got attacked by GEESE! 
Jess:  I had a rusty nail go through the bottom of my foot.  I flipped a 90lb canoe last summer.  Bashed my head on the inside of it.  Mere almost shattered my wrist freshman year... still have a scar.  Luke kicked me in the head 12 feet in the air, concussion. 
Me:  Dude I tripped over my cat Cleo in high school, and somehow ended up landing on a metal wastebasket and needed stitches.  In my foot. 
Jess: Hahahaha we are amazing.  AMAZING. 
Me:  Yeah, my doctor asked me how it happened.  I told him, and he got this funny look on his face and told me it must have been a really big cat. 
Jess:  I like how we have a lot of matching injuries... 
Me:  OH - ALSO - I broke a fucking tooth on a fucking PIECE OF BREAD... in fucking POLAND. 
Jess:  ......... That wins. 
Me:  hahaha 
Jess:  I was detained in Mexico but I was not injured. 
Me:  Wait, what?

The rest of the conversation involved  college drunkenness, gruesome dental injuries, prescription painkillers and our experiences in having our wisdom teeth removed.  Sigh, I have the best friends a girl could ever ask for.  :)

1 comment:

  1. Yeah. We are awesome. And somehow, still alive and with our limbs.

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