Sunday, April 14, 2013

Meat Run: A Documentary

Behold... a photographic account of Saturday's "meat run." This photo set was taken with my humble iPhone, over a span of roughly 14 hours, spanning three states. If some of these photos are boring, that's good!  It means that you will get an idea of how painfully dull this trip can be at times.

We rented a 2013 Ford F-150 this time. Despite it being the same size as the Chevy Silverado we took last time, it was vastly superior. I've never been much of a Ford fan, but this truck changed my mind. Aryn decided she had fallen in love with the truck, and her husband would need to find somewhere else to stay because the truck was moving in with her.  Promise rings were exchanged.  Aryn kept talking about wanting to kiss the truck, and demanded that I take photos.

It was more than two hours into our voyage before it was light enough for the photo documentation to begin.

Aryn instructed me to take a photo of the backseat. All the tarps made it look like we were getting ready to murder someone.

We started noticing snow. Snow in mid-April is practically criminal!

Soon thereafter, we began to see vehicles in the ditch.  Lots of them.

The roads quickly became more treacherous.

"I asked if the roads would be okay, and everyone said they would be clear!  This isn't clear!  This is death! Death in a pretty truck!" exclaimed Aryn.

While I took inventory of the contents of a gift-basket one of our meat people gave us, Aryn started worrying about some possible side effects she was experiencing.

"I think one of the side effects of prednisone is vision loss, and if that occurs, to call your physician immediately  Haha oops!" giggled Aryn.

"I mean, I can still read far away, but my eyes are tired and I can't read far away." (...what?)

"I'm checking to see which eye is worse, or if they're bad together."

I told Aryn not to worry about it, because unless she was experiencing shortness of breath or vomiting up blood, that she'd probably be ok. We started wondering why the gas gauge wasn't going down. I checked the manual, which said there were two possible tank sizes... a 26 gallon tank and a 36 gallon tank.  I did the math.  Aryn didn't want to know what size the tank was.  I shot her a significant look, and it dawned on her that we had indeed rented a truck with a 36 gallon tank.

"That's wack... that's WACK!" screamed Aryn.

We rounded a bend...

Went down a hill...

... and spotted cliffsicles!  It was the most interesting 5 minutes of the entire trip thus far.




My camera decided to take its own photo. I think it was getting sick of cliffsicles.

Too bad, phone, I am the boss around here.. and I say... more cliffsicles!

It began to snow, but instead of sticking it just hit the windshield like miniature pieces of hail and bounced off.  "Looks like more of that hard snow..." Aryn mumbled.

We started to think that the reports of flood warnings in Wisconsin were well-founded...

"It's all glittery outside!" - Aryn
"Yeah... Ke$ha must be lurking in the trees somewhere." - Me

We wondered why this lake was still frozen...

 The roads became twisty, and we knew we knew we were getting close to our destination.

Yay!  We had arrived!

As Aryn paid our bill, I snuck a look at the order board.  Our order was the largest one... yeah!  We win!  ...or something.  Side note:  Look at those horns!  The office is creepy.

"Greetings ladies, allow me to escort you to your huge pile of meat!" - Mr. Dog

Soon we were on our way home.  Somehow we managed to fit 71 boxes of meat into our pretty truck and escape the meat place with only one awkward conversation with another customer.  Seriously, what part of "we just drove 6 hours to get here, and we really need to get home before dark" did you not undertand, Mr. Creepypants??? We don't care about where you get your turkey!

As is tradition, our next stop was the BP we've affectionately nicknamed "the redneck gas station."  

Neshkoro's lake is thawed, why wasn't the other one thawed?  Huh?  Huh?

There is a laundromat in the redneck gas station. Also, hunting permits and fishing lures and shotgun shells.  It is a very strange gas station.

Unfortunately, there was something wrong with the plumbing.  Aryn went to the bathroom and discovered the toilets were both VERY full of water.  When she tried flushing, the toilet overflowed. I too had to pee, so she said she'd stand guard while I used the men's restroom.  I ran into the same problem.  I told one of the employees what was happening, and he looked very sad.  He said he knew what was wrong and that he'd go fix it.  I told him I was sorry he had to do that, and he said it wasn't a hard fix... just messy.  I didn't ask him to elaborate.

And, with that, we were on the road again.

 Road construction.

There is something about driving in Madison that turns Aryn into a fire-breathing rage monster. It's mildly amusing...

 Right before we hit Platteville, a few of the box lids flew up and started waving at passing drivers. Oddly enough, the boxes did the exact same thing at the exact same point in our journey last time.

This is the road that never ends... yes it goes on and on my friends... *sigh*

 We finally made it to Dubuque!

We totally want this house mansion estate castle.

At this point in the trip, we were beyond exhausted.  I had to resort to eating Mambas in order to stay awake, but even then I was doing stupid stuff like shattering Aryn's love for her car by informing her that Volkswagen was originally a Nazi company, and leaving smartass comments on random Facebook pages. (Describe this horse in one word.  Brown. *uncontrollable giggling*)

We got to the club and distributed meat.  We went back to Aryn's house and dropped off her meat.  We attempted to load my meat into the Element, but at that point we were so tired and weak that we kept dropping the boxes.... and then laughing hysterically.

I finally got the meat loaded up and drove home.  It took me awhile, but I eventually got it all downstairs and into the freezer.  Then I showered.  Then I slept for 14 hours.   

Until next time, folks!


  1. You do know that I live in Madison if you ever need a break or stay-over or something :)

  2. That is not a strange gas station. That is a normal gas station.

  3. HAHAHAHA! Cliffsicles...
    I did that meat dropping thing a lot at the sleddog kennel I worked at this past winter.


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