Friday, November 29, 2013

Dream Logic

I love dream logic.

Problem:  Your snake is getting trampled by your dogs because he was on the sofa while they were loose.
Logical solution: Don't have the snake out when the dogs are out in the first place.
Dream solution: Passively watch snake try to escape until he slithers under a cabinet, and then worry about how to get him out.

Problem: A friend forgets to bring money for a tip.
Logical solution: Spot friend some money.
Dream solution: Get into an argument with friend about the ethics of not tipping your waitress.

Problem: You are at a fundraising meeting for a dog club, and have $400 dollars to donate.
Logical solution: Donate the $400 to the dog club.
Dream solution: Donate the $400 to a public school in Florida, and drive the donation down to the school yourself.  During a hurricane.

Problem:  You find a shirt you really like, but it doesn't fit.
Logical solution: Leave the store without buying the shirt.
Dream Solution: Stay in the store until it closes, carrying the shirt around, trying to think of ways to make it fit. At closing time, you reluctantly put the shirt back on the rack and tell the owner that "you'll think of something, don't worry!"

Problem:  You have to go to work.
Logical Solution:  You go to work.
Dream Solution: You do laundry with a friend and explain insurance to your aunt.

Problem: You can't get home.
Logical Solution:  Call a friend, call a cab, flag down a bus.... lots of options!
Dream Solution: You call your dad, who drives through the Iowa State University campus at top speed... despite all the roads being closed for a parade.  You tell your dad to slow down and find another route, but he says he learned how to drive in Sweden and knows exactly what he's doing.

Problem: You need to fill a prescription at Hy Vee.
Logical solution: You go to Hy Vee and fill the prescription.
Dream Solution:  You lock your husband out of the car and go to Popeye's, then visit a waiting room in a hospital and color with crayons until your annoyed husband tracks you down.

That was my night, folks.  Aren't our brains wonderful?  Random note:  Here's a screenshot of hilarity that ensued after I posted a photo of a Hy-Vee typo on my Facebook page:

I hope I have sufficiently weirdified your day.

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